it's really hard.

in the ER they made me drink charcoal, gross.

in SP they changed my meds.[I was certainly on the wrong ones.] I actually made friends. and in a weird way, I didn't want to leave. It would have been nice to stay in those six days forever. you know, pause life.

thank you lacy Iloveyou. I might not be here today without you.

it's really hard.
. . . really hard. often I just want to cry and I can't. sometimes without warning I do cry.
I can't wait for this to stop.

But I will be okay. I know I hurt you guys too. So I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry.
That's all I was saying in the ambulance.
It really felt like a nightmare. It really did. But it was too vivid.

Sorry again.

I put it all in a box in the back of my closet
and closed the lid.
Rest in pieces.

School's starting up very soon again for me. I'm nervous. xD
I got into the electives I wanted to with little trouble, suprisingly. *doesn't like that there's no spellcheck on this computer.* Chinese, Piano, and Orchestra. I hope I'll do alright. . .
One thing that sucks about going to public school again is that I sleep so much. 10+ hours. Means getting up at 6, going to bed around 7:30. But I'm pretty sure it's worth it.

I recently reached 17,000 pageviews. . . I seriously want to know where they all came from. Seriously. But anyway, thank you guys soo much for looking at my page, watching me, commenting on my stuff. xP

I'm actually stalling at the moment.
I'm in New York with my aunt and uncle, the ones who took me to France a few years ago. They're having a party tonight and I'm supposed to be finishing my Japanese class and staying out of their way[because I already helped to cook most of the food. . .]. I seriously have a few weeks left to finish a fourth of the class. Yeah, right. And it's not like I'm going to be able to work on it once school starts up . . .
But I really don't want to do it right now! Numbers. Especially times. They suck.

Ohkay, yes I love writing long journals that nobody reads.

erhmm other than thaaat, what's up with me? I've been on vacation a lot. . .
oh and my parents found a baby squirrel. It's ADORABLE. Tiny. According to the internet, it's probably about five weeks old. and my mom's trying to nurture it. It keeps getting milk up its nose. She wants to keep it until it can live on its own, which might be illegal . . . I'm not sure. But I know that it will have better chances living somewhere else. Yet mom won't give it. :l

I'm going to work every weekend[at my parent's buisness. . .]. And do chores of course. I will. I promise myself. x3

Whats up with yooooou guys?

*really really really randomly has the urge to play level four of the original Paper Mario.*

Guess what. I don't even have to take summer school now. They failed me. I'm repeating the grade.
I. . . failed.
I guess I'm sort of . . . shocked.
I don't really. . . know what to do, besides be shocked, and cry a little.
I bought Pokemon Sapphire. For thirty dollars, used. It really was a ripoff. I haven't started it yet cause I was too busy studying for the county assessments that I failed. But I'm going to start it. I have a whole summer ahead of me. . .

Shelby's leaving for Georgia tomorrow, and coming back late in July. She stayed over yesterday and left today. Painted me a picture that I hung up on my wall.

Now I'm going to find myself a Vocaloid2. I don't care if I have to pay 13,662 yen plus shipping from Japan for Kagamine Rin and Len, I'm gonna buy one. They're like thecoolestthingever. It'll give me something to do, over the summer. Clean for money.

How is everyone?

Hmmmm yes. I'm trying my hand at writing journals again. [only once in a while, I'm limiting myself... unlike on my livejournal, where I post twice a day sometimes.... ]
uhmm. Well, as some of you DON'T know, I was homeschooled this past year. I really want to go back to school next year. I need it, I know I'll be stressed like holy woah, but I need it. Exposure and all that. Plus it'd be nice to be in an actual school orchestra.. and to actually see my friends... anyway, I'm having a lot of trouble getting back into the school.
I might have to go to summerschool.
And the possibility is not so unlikely. The school called my mom like half an hour ago and scheduled an appointment next Monday for 7:30 in the morning [*dies* sooo earlyyy] to go over my other portfolios... ohsaveme. They aren't satisfied with my English portfolio. I'm not sure exactly what that means. Mom says they want me to go to summerschool. I don't know if there's anything else I CAN do. Besides fail the grade. But that'd be worse that summerschool.
It ruins a lot of my plans.
BUT we'll see....

I am seriously considering burning all of my art. Or just throwing it all out. Everything. It makes me so upset to see it sometimes.

Recently, my bestestfriendforeverandeverrr moved about three hours away. She's also going out of state for a month to babysit. And another one of my closest friends is most likely moving as well. and my girlfriend actually has a life[unlike me.] xD

I had some stuff planned this summer. My mom planned a trip out of state in July for a week, so my brother and I could spend it with our older brother and his daughter and son [Yes, I'm an aunt. x3 ]. But then some stuff happened, and the kids can't come. So we have this huuuuuge rented beachhouse thing, and I was allowed to invite a friend, so I did. but I'm not sure what's gonna go down if I have to go to summer school.
Also another weekend trip out of state to see my mother's side of the family ... last year they came here, this year we go there, etc.
Then there's this trip that my best friend, my family, one of my brother's friends and I usually go on in August but who knows if that'll happen now, considering my best friend is busy and not living so close anymore.

I'm getting back into digimon. Trying to write something, very slowly. I doubt it'll get anywhere, but we'll see. I'm not very happy with my writing style.
I'm rewatching Adventure01! and then eventually Adventure02! Cause those are the friggin best.

Reading quite a bit of fanfiction, as usual.

Uhm I'm not sure I actually had anything important to say, just putting off studying.... my Japanese midterm is coming up... I have to do it at a testing center somewhere. But mom's probably changing the date that I take it from next Wednesday to the following. I AM FLUENT IN HIRIGANA NOW! WOOOO! does that even make sense?
やりました！ Hahaha, I love doing that.... I had to write out goldilocks in Japanese the other day. Like, a simplified version of the story..

I am still not done my prom dress. It's almost there! The story with that is I was going to go to prom a few months ago but it just didn't happen. So I'm going to finish it for next year. and if it doesn't fit next year... well we'll take it in or whatever.

I'm saving up for Pokemon Sapphire, I've been craving to play it again.
I'm saving up for that and 'The World Ends With You.' Has anyone heard anything good about that one? It has to be good. I mean, it's the team that made Kingdom Hearts. Tori, if you want, I'll lend it to you when I'm done... That and my really old DS cause I don't think you have one?

I am not going to Otakon. :l No one I know is going! I'm not going by myself. That wouldn't be very fun.

I love my violin. and my teacher. I have a recital coming up Monday [my teacher wants me to play, even tho the average age of people playing there is gonna be 5. And I'll be the oldest and most advanced. That's what my teacher said, anyway. She said they're all going to be playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.] I'm going to play the first half of Mai's theme from Hack Liminality. Go look it up on youtube. It's one of my favorite violin songs of all time. [Well of COURSE. It's by Yuki Kajiura. My favorite composer of all time.]
I'm playing that and something called Dragon Dance, with some double stopping.
I swear I think this is my passion. Maybe. I'm not sure, I've only played by myself so far. xP

Haha is anyone going to read this. All of my old watchers' accounts must be dead by now, I haven't posted for a year.

UH SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH. But it has been a long time. I love rambling. Yes. FORGIVE ME.
Okayyy. I should get back to studying. It's so nice to procrastinate though.